Imperial? That is a bit overstated.

Where do I start?

I am in Imperial, California. It is over 100 degrees. It is hot and sticky and smells bad.

Me and my co-pilot are in our uniforms; charcoal dress slacks, starched white shirts, shiny grey epaulets, fancy blue ties.

The Imperial Airport FBO is slightly… well let’s just say not the nicest one I have visited. Anyway, we need to use a crew car to run into “town” to grab some lunch and some catering. They generously offer (and by generously I mean like pulling teeth without novacaine) the mechanic’s old white full-size Chevy pick-up truck; doors won’t open from the inside, more dents than a golf ball (what?), and the coolest seat cover I have ever seen (please note sarcasm).

We cruise into town with our sweet wheels and decide hit Carl’s Jr. for a quick bite. We may have been over dressed for the occasion, but I honestly think that there must have been a prison break down the road and all the former inmates were craving burgers now that they were on the outside. Kinda scary. We manage to grab our burgers and fries without getting knifed and continue on to get some catering.

In this one horse town of Imperial, we figure Von’s is our best bet. We casually exit our vehicular transportation and stroll into directly into Von’s alcohol section. What did you think I met by “catering”?

I grab a six-pack of some nice imported beer and Scott grabs a ten pound bag of ice and we head for the check-out. Of course, we manage to attract some attention. Maybe because two pilots hoofing a six-pack and some ice is something these yocals have never seen, or maybe we are just snappy dressers.

We find the checkout stand and get the customary alcoholic pilot jokes… yeah yeah ha ha.

Now, the cool thing about Von’s is that when you buy something sometimes the receipt machine prints you out some extra coupons. Very hit or miss, kind of like a slot machine. Well today we hit it big… coupons!

The computer in all its wisdom saw two pilots buying beer and ice and felt we needed coupons for “Meet the new line of baby products created by moms, for moms. Mom to Mom brand Kiddie Ups, Supreme Baby Wipes and Rash Cream!” Yep, we needed baby supplies and we needed them at a discount.

We took our beer and ice and left.