I am on the road in Florida and came across this product description: “A warm blend of sparkling bergamot and fresh ginger. Clean musk notes of white tea, amid spicy nuances of vetiver and nutmeg.” What do you think I should do with it? a) eat/drink the product b) give the product to someone I do not like and make them use it on their arm-pits c) light the product on fire d) smell the product after placing it in a decorative bowl e) spray the product in a stinky airplane f) lay the product out using it as bait to attract Martha Stewart into doing something useful with it…

So I was sitting on a bench in front of my hotel in Las Vegas waiting for the shuttle to arrive. I will admit, I did look quite dashing in my fine Schubachian pilot garb, and perhaps, just perhaps, that is why she asked me: “Do you know if my flight to Chicago is delayed?” I looked up, “Huh?” “I am trying to get home to Des Moines, but my flight outta here goes to Chicago and it is snowing in Des Moines and I was wondering if that would delay my flight to Chicago.” I lied, “Actually, I just checked with dispatch and they told me your flight was…